-4:16 AM:))

And so I got her the necklace as soon as the cash dropped into my bank. Since she knows what's the price, I won't mind saying it either. It's a $329 necklace from TAKA jewelry. Not exactly the $400 necklace I said but it just calls your name when I looked at it. You've said it but I'll say it again. I hope you'll like it. And i really hope it means something special to you. I just want that everything with you. I was planning to give you with a bouqet of flowers but you don't like them much so maybe it might be meaningless if I get them. I love you by. Thank you. For all... I just hope you'd love me too (=

MohdAshrafKhan
NurAtiqah

-3:49 AM:))

I guess i'm just too afraid to lose you again. But even so, I shouldn't be saying things that is stressful instead of helpful. I'm sorry b. I haven't been sleeping since last night. And I still can't sleep cos' I am worried. Please don't ignore me. I've got things to talk about everytime I think about you but then again, you won't even return my messages. =( I am not a burden to you. I get it. Thank you b. And.. I love you.

MohdAshrafKhan

NurAtiqah

-7:43 AM:))

Take me to hell. Just bring mama back. ='(

MohdAshrafKhan

-6:57 AM:))

For tonight, ouch. =(

MohdAshrafKhan

NurAtiqah

I miss you. (: Can't wait for this Sunday. Ok now I am too damn hungry to think about what to say. But i'm never too anything to think about my sugar mama. =) Anyways, tak sahor this morning, had to control myself when my idiotic friends kept saying how good the food is and how better it would taste when you're hungry and now waiting for buke. Stomach rumbling like there's a drummer in there. I'm even too lethargic to be typing so I will try to continue tonight. If anything special comes up. But you know even when you say hi, it's special to me. I love you b. (=

MohdAshrafKhan

NurAtiqah

-6:27 AM:))

I just want things to be a surprise for you, you know. Sometimes, the things I do, I just hope it impresses you. This time, I want you to say it to me first. Say that you love me. Cos I really do love you. And what I dreamt of this noon after I send you home really made me happy. But also, it made me think.

MohdAshrafKhan
NurAtiqah

-8:43 PM:))

Well, here goes another year. I miss your touch. Your kiss. Your jokes. Our midnight chats. I miss you ma. Why must this happen to you ma. Why can't you be at home now so I can just look into your eyes and make my day when you smile. I do accept the fact that you are gone but I hate the fact that you had to go. I just wish I can see you again. Still I go to room hoping to see you, still I think you are just going outside coming home soon. Still I think i'd be listening to you laugh. Still I think I can feel you loving me here. I just miss you so much ma. I know its impossible but will you come home? I really want to see you again. ;( I want to cry till blood has to take over the tears. I love you ma. The most. Second comes my queen. Then my family. And next, my princess.

Can anyone help me. I pray for you to return to me. I pray for you to open ur heart just so I can enter. I pray for you to be by my side when I leave this world. I pray for you to love me till forever. But I still don't understand. Please say something. I Love you.

MohdAshrafKhan

NurAtiqah

-4:26 AM:))

I just feel happy. (= If you ever return, i'll be glad to call you my gerl again b. I'll be glad to tell the peeps that you are my gerl. Fact, they don't gotta ask. I'll go to them and say it. I love u b. (=

7.40 seE! Si. ;)

MohdAshrafKhan

NurAtiqah

-3:31 AM:))

So tell me. What's the reason I didn't make it in your future? ='(

Part of me is saying, I am stupid. Can't complain bout that. Part of me tells me to go destroy myself. Won't complain bout that either.

I love you.

MohdAshrafKhan

-3:48 AM:))

Stop making things worse will you.

I regret every minute of everday we aren't together since I broke up with you. Iunderstand, you don't want to be with me. Or him. Or anyone anymore. I'll leave you alone if you really want me to. I get it. You are in the toughest situation right now. I'm sorry. I just thought we can really have that something special we've always had again.

'Are you gonna leave me alone?'

That depends, I'll never leave you alone in terms of always being there for you. Whenever you need me, I promise you. Even if its in the middle of my class, or middle of my work. Even if its 3am in the morning. I'll always have time for you.

I will leave you alone if you say I am making this too hard.

But I never want to lose you again. I can't afford to. Even if you decide not to be with me again, you will forever be my princess. I love you. Really. =/

MohdAshrafKhan

-7:33 AM:))

Thannk god. Amin!. It made me feel great knowing I could make you happy dear. But like I said, no matter how happy I made you, it will never be enough for me. Today morning, I sent her to work. Haha moments. -,- Haha at me instead of with me! And then, I was super freaking early for work! Like 1 hour! So, I took out my iPod and started stealing photos of my baby, hehe. Waited till 7.58am til I started walking to KFC to get my breakfast (yummy). And went back to the store only to find out that it opens at 8 on Sundays. And then, the most epic, most bahalol and I REPEAT, most BAHALOL thing happened. Only BAHLULS can do this. The goon, (don't wanna say who) wanted to sit on the stool I was sitting on. And so I did, since malas nak layan. She moved the stoll slightly forward, took her book, looked at the stool again, HOLD the stool and sat down. But she MISSED and fell backwards, leading her legs up in the air! Hahaha! So setoopid! After all those, I counted the hours till I could meet her again, my sayang. =) But I had to make her wait for an hour and a half. =( Sry by.. And we took the train from Outram to Punggol, and took bus number 3 home. Alot of funny things I tell you! and 4/5 of it is about me. -,- I still love you. Well, she says I cant meet for for the whole of next week. I'm still wondering why. =/ Its okay. And by, about your hair style, I promise, you'll get it back. =) End of this month, or early week of next month. I think that's all I want to say.

With Love,

MohdAshrafKhan

NurAtiqah

[ Only 6 more days to your 2 years ma. I love you.=) ]

-3:25 AM:))

Please don't do that again by. U always made my heart skipped a beat everytime u say that. I'll be with u till u are ready. I'll wait for u cos u once waited for me. Take ur time to gather urself back together. I know its hard for u to trust me now too. I understand why. I love you by. Kisskiss.

Walked into a wall on the way home just now. While eating my strawberry cheesetart. Shiiieet. Into the wall, HEAD FERST! Omg... Talked alone for hours. She kissed me thru the phone! Like ohmygawd! Abe makan nasi ayam as soon as i reached home. And talk to Cik Tipah while eating.

And now, as time goes by, my cough gets worse. And I get tired very fast. hmm. God help me.

MohdAshrafKhan

NurAtiqah

-6:34 AM:))

What are the odds of getting caught today. I had a feeling we'd get caught someday. I just hope she'd just forgive and forget. I feel the guilt everytime I think of it. Even if you wont forgive, atleast forget bout it please. I am so sorry. =(

Anyways, I thought I would be spending a few hours with my bby slenget much but something came up. Scared a quarter of my life that I was shaking. Anyways, I gotta mild bronchitis. I would be going for a full body check up after I get this bronchitis treatment done. Just hope it wont get any worse.

Everyday I have been thinking bout you. Let's do what we do best. Love each other. That's all I wanna do. Love you till I go on to my next life, and still continue to love you. I think i've tried all possible ways to show you that I love you. I hope u feel it too. I love you sayang. =) Ive never been anywhere near as very happy since I was with mama until now. And only you has made that possible. I may show to others that I am laughing and all but they dont know. Nur Atiqah Nordin, you are my sayaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaang. And I am her monsterrrr!!! Grrawr-ing loud please. Love her much can? ;)

MohdAshrafKhan
NurAtiqah

-6:08 AM:))

Collapsed yesterday night. Couldn't call my bby. I feel bad that she was feelin worried. =( Goin for full body check up tomorrow. And finally meeting her again. Not seeing you for afew days feels like afew years. Dont think im crazy in love okay! I just miss her so much. God knows how much. Its ok if we don't step into the huge door yet. I know we will go as plan but we can take it slowly. I know there's still much for us to learn about each other even though we already knew each other for 5 years. And my dream to have breakfast with you and then walk by the beach after that will eventually happen. You and I. I'm glad to be yours again. Only girl in my life worth sharing my love. I love you too bby. And btw. I'm her monster. ^^ And I love her.

MohdAshrafKhan

NurAtiqah

-5:26 AM:))

After very long, I finally felt your pain after I kept reading your past entries. I was heartless before, which is why I didn't knew you were in pain. I let the love of my life suffer 3 years when I go out trying to date other girls. What the hell was I thinking back then. You didn't open your eyes big enough to see she was by your side the whole time? You didn't open your heart big enough to know we belong together. What the fuck is the matter with you? One of my own rules was never to hurt a lady physically. But I didn't knew I could hurt them mentally.

And if you really were to come back to me, then I swear I am very lucky. For not only has HE given me the second chance, but so did you. I really can't believe I was a beast. I'm so angry at myself right now. I'm crying right now because i've hurt you too much. I don't want to hurt you ever again. Apologies won't do anything much because these are just words that express. I wish I can do something for you. All the guilty conscience has come. Even when I know I made her happy, I know it's never enough. Because what I did to her was monstrous. I am a monster. Tell me that it's enough and I will accept it. But I will never think it is enough.

I do wanna be my boyfriend. And hopefully when things go well, I want to be your husband. You really are my princess. I miss you so much too. And most importantly, I do love you. I never want to hurt you anymore. I never want to make you feel alone anymore. I don't want to make you miss me because I am not yours but I do want to make you miss me because I am yours. My princess. My number 1. My Beyonce. My.. Nur Atiqah. I will love you till the afterlife. I will promise you anything.

I'd buy you the star in space to prove that I really do love you. I'll cross the world just to see your beautiful eyes again. I'll fight off anyone or anything that tries to tear us apart. Because nobody will ever tear us apart again. I'm very sorry I did all those to you. I love you. I love my Nur Atiqah Binte Nordin Bin Mohd Noh. =)

And that, my whoever is reading. Is a pure post that really came from my heart.

MohdAshrafKhan

NurAtiqah

-9:29 AM:))

Today, was the best day i've had for so far this year. I spent half the day with her. I'm not gonna say everything. But it feels good to be back home. ;) Its 12.31am and I can't sleep. I tried tossing and turning on my bed but its not working. And I am in a fight with my headache right now. I want to lead that happy life you said. Just live in Singapore will do. But we will travel around the world and you know what. hehe. Well, I won't say anymore because the rest are between me and her. ^^

S92340453J. U know I love u very much. =)

MohdAshrafKhan

-11:30 PM:))

I wish... We can have an endless kiss. ILY.

Here's the names we had planned. Well only we know for what. =)

Ana Nyla
Ana Amiliah
Ana Aulia
Adriana Natasha
Ana Adriana
Nyla Adriana

MohdAshrafKhan

I'm feeling like, exactly how I felt when I knew mama passed away. You still decide on being with the guy you know for 4 or 5 months. I guess you are thinking it's right. Everytime I think of you now, I get uneasy, heart beating fast and my brain forms all sorts of words and pictures.

Lest just wait.

MohdAshrafKhan

Why can't I relive the past? Don't we all wish we have powers. I want to turn back time. Back into your arms again. I can't... God knows how I feel now. ='[

MohdAshrafKhan

Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?Why did i leave?

Why did I leave?

I told you, because I was afraid I wouldn't spend time with mama. I hate myself for this. I need you. I want all those things you said. Your skin tone, my lashes, your eyes. Living out of asia. 2 girls. Please come back. I'm crying as I type this. Crying not because I am sad. Crying cos I can't believe I was THAT stupid to leave you. The worse feeling was being forgotten by someone you will never forget? I never stopped thinking bout you. I talked about you with my 2 ex. Shafeqa ( The gerl you met during the night cycling) and Shika. I've never stopped thinking about you. I always wonder what you are doing. What you know about that. Speak a little from my mind. Today, I was very close to just jumping in the middle of the road hoping a car would hit me. I'm aware of whatever fines that may slap my face. But I just want to stop thinking. I'm just not me when I don't have you. And now, I just don't get it. It's not that you can't do it. You just don't want to do it. That's what I think. Probably you'll say you can't because you got him. But can you for once realise that he does not ask you about your daily life? He said even though you don't get to see each other, he still loves you. Even if you couldn't see each other, he could atleast talk to you on the phone and give you a message til you fall asleep! LIKE I DID. Oh wad? the bugger's tired? Talkin otp is too tired? Fuck that! For all you know, he's just waiting for you to ask him. I'm pissed off right now. I need a breather. I don't know if you'll be disappointed by what I have said here but its time I get some off my chest. I'm sorry.

Fucking dumb schmuck! Ima FUCKIN DUMB SCHMUCK!

MohdAshrafKhan

-7:11 AM:))

2 days of attachment gone. Still nothing done. Just things to be clarified. blablabla and we're done. Had 2-3 hours of sleep last night. Planning for the same thing tonight. Even though my eyes are already hurting as im typing this out. The headaches and body aches due to fatigue. Well i'll go thru just about anythin for u bby.

Had a short chat with her brother. Kid Afiq. hahahaah.

Today, she didn't believed that i'd really go up to her house and get her to eat. So I proved it to her. End up getting a cup of iced green tea for myself and some happyhappy stuff. Just so you know, the first move wasn't done by me. =P Anyways, we talked, laughed (AT me, not with me). Bbygerl got jokes now. Grrawr..! And I almost came down to my knees honestly, but I knew she wouldn't like it so i just asked while staring deeply into those gorgeous brown eyes. But I still had no answer. Maybe time will tell. =/ After awhile, went home and bumped into her mom. Sweet lady, friendly. =) I just love her alot. =) And I took a candid photo of her when I made her laughed. And use it as my MSN background for our chatbox. But I can't show it because it's only between us. I (heart shape) you N.A =)

MohdAshrafKhan

-7:05 AM:))

I guess I just have to try being strong alone. Sucks to feel this way. Why must I leave before. No, why didn't I came earlier. Such a stupid fuck! There's this beast inside of me that really needs to be released. I'm just so angry at myself for being the coward nobody thought I'd be. Why is this so hard! Why am I so.. I don't even know the words to describe myself. Can't explain my anger right now. I feel like jumping infront of a cab and pass out and be warded in the hospital so I don't have to think. Even if its a short while. My brain is thinking so much, I can feel it pulsating. Like I told your brother, I will not be in a relationship with any other girls except you. I'll never leave you. I just gotta wait and hope, like you did when you needed me. You have my word on this. I love you.

MohdAshrafKhan

-9:08 AM:))

.thgir lrig ruoy gintaert si esle enoemos ekil skooL.llew gniod t'nsi eh wonk uoY. won tuoba ksa I t'nac yhw tuB

Where were you when she needed you. You BIG coward.

MohdAshrafKhan

I feel weak. Maybe because I am sick. Headaches, cough, pleghm. Might be because I am overworking my body. My knee may be busted due to misalignment but it will not stop me from training. Even if I have to run through the pain. Nothing will stop me.

I hope what you posted is meant for me. I really hope we will walk the same route back to our new home. I really hope it will happen. =(

MohdAshrafKhan

-5:04 AM:))

The next boxing prodigy. The future fighter of the year. He's right here.

Now, I wish you can come back. I know its tough for you. I understand what you're going through. I'm sorry I am making it harder for you. But i've said it before alot of times. I need you with me. I can't have anyone else because you are different (obviously). I wish he can understand what we've been through and I wish he would understand if someone were to explain to your boy. =/ I love you Nur Atiqah. =(

MohdAshrafKhan

-2:43 AM:))

I know it's pathetic to express feelings through a song. But i guess what I put out is related to what we had.

MohdAshrafKhan