Everyday, since I lost one of the most important person in my life. I have to show people that im happy, when most of the time, im not. Sometimes, it feels like that important person is just going out and will come back to me anytime. But actually, she won't. Sometimes, I just realise that she is no longer in this world. Literally just realise. And when a friend told me that I can't live my life with regrets, it is actually true but I cant seem to live without them. Because regrets play a big part in my life. I have not learn fully from it yet. This friend also said I have to be independant. But I can't be, knowing that the most important person is not here to support me. There are other important people that will, but no one will support me like how she did. On most nights, before I go to sleep, I always wonder. Why. How. Why not later. Im not trying to be rude and question the big man. The night I can remember like it was yesterday, she told me not to be sad when she has to leave. She told me to make people smile. She told me not to allow anyone to be sad. She said I can't be weak when the time comes. Well, let me tell you the truth. I am weak when I think of you. But I try to hold myself together. There's no one else for me to hug now that you're gone. Although I may not be seeing you here, I will always see you in my heart, ma. I love you.
